yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
The beer is more important than you right now.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
