I'm going to jail i love you
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
