All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
