He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
