How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
