Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
