i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
