Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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