Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
