Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
