I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Randomize
