Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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