i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
