he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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