We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
