There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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