Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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