every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
