life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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