is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
