Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
FUCK WHALES
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
