I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
