Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
