My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I am naked and annoyed.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
