People in love make me want to vomit
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
