The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
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