Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
