I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
too bad you live with your parents still
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
