If i come over, it means nothing
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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