Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
