so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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