A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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