they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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