Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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