I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
