Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
