I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
