You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
