some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
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