But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Barsexuality is the new black.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
