You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
