I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
