If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
