Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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