I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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