I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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