Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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