Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
