i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
