nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
